I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
