He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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