I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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