Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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