I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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