3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
