Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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