the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
