This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
