My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
