I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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