i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
