please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
