We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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