Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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