I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”