She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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