How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
