I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
