That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Two words: blizzard sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
