I heard we made out
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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