So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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