if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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