He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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