does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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