She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
