it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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