no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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