i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
