3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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