My brain says no but my pants say off.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
