i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
