I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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