If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
