is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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