That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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