they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You dont lie about slip and slides
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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