NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
