then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
