I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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