i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
