i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So. Much. Porn.
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