and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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