my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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