i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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