I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
