there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
