Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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