And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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