I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
