This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
