dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
