Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
