My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
