I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
