she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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