Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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