Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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