Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
