I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
