her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
