dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
