All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
