Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your face is a jimmy john
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
