I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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