My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
